When I started reading Harry Potter this year, the only person I thought I could possibly hate was Voldemort, I mean who doesn’t hate him? But as I continued to read, I realized that I detested Snape just as much as I hated Voldemort and maybe, in some points of time, even more. I used go to bed at night, cursing Snape and wishing that he died. I used tell all these feelings to my sister, who had already read the series of book before. When I used to curse Snape, she used to always tell me to try and not hate Snape because I’d regret it later, but I always laughed it off. Then I reached the later books and it seemed that maybe Snape wasn’t that bad, even though I didn’t love him or something, he was okay. But then he killed Dumbledore, and I made my sister’s poor ears sore by making her listen to how she had told me not to hate Snape that much and what he had ended up doing. I was angry at everyone, Snape, my sister, Dumbledore (Though I don’t know why) but I was. Then I reached the last book, where many more people died along the way, and many more tears were shed from my eyes, and then I came to know that Snape had killed Dumbledore, because Dumbledore had asked him to do so. I was stunned and didn’t know how to react. Later in the book Snape died and that’s when it struck me why my sister used to tell me not to hate Snape. I cried buckets of tears with regret, upset at myself, wondering why I cursed him and why I hated him, and now, he’s gone.
Life is something similar, you have to be be careful what you speak to someone and how you speak to someone, we never know, when it is the last time we’ll meet them, and then we’ll sit and regret just like I did, after Snape died.
Inspired by: Yesterday’s Daily prompt
Dear Mom and Dad,
Before I start this letter, I’d like to inform you that I love both of you a lot. I know that you guys also love me a lot. But frankly, I am sorry to say, that sometimes, whether you intend to or you don’t, you end up making it look like you guys are disappointed with how I do somethings. You know, stuff like not liking Math and all? You make it seem like because my thinking is different from all of you, because my beliefs are unique and just because I am kind of like the black sheep in the family, you make me feel like what I am doing and thinking is wrong and that I should change who I am. I also know that you people don’t mean to harm me and your only aim in life is just to make a better future for me. But even you know as well as I do, that I am not bad. I am not doing anything wrong and that I am getting good marks and well, teachers and everybody else loves me. Then why should I change? Why should I become a new Chamkeeli just because you want me to be one? In fact technically, I wouldn’t even be Chamkeeli if I changed because, I am me and if I change, I won’t be the ‘Chamkeeli’ anymore right? So please, it is a request, just a simple one, and maybe it wouldn’t be too much to ask for, don’t try to change me, because I love myself for who I am and will always be happy that way.
P.S: Thanks for always being there for me and making me a girl luckier than most people in this world.
Yesterday night has been a weird one. Yesterday, I started reading the book ‘The Perks Of Being a Wallflower’ by Stephen Chbosky. It is a really nice book and I enjoyed it a lot. However, at night, at around twelve, when my sister was chatting with her friend, I reached the end of the book and I started to cry. It was not awkward because I started to cry, it was just weird because the book has a happy ending and I cried because everything was just so happy. I mean, I wouldn’t say that the language of the book is really amazing and it holds amazing literature value or something but the way it is written is so beautiful that it really touches your heart.
I just sat there, hugging my knees smiling and crying at the same time. Happy at the happy ending and crying… even I don’t know why. My sister sat next to me and tried to console me but even that didn’t work and then after a while I started thinking about the last time I had cried this hard. So hard the my eyes were red. It was at that point that I remembered that the last time I had cried this hard, I was in a similar situation. I had been crying as well as smiling at the same time. It was when my best friend, IPKKND, ended. The whole day of 30th November 2012, I tried to ignore that fact that, that day would be the last episode I’d see, however, at night, when I finally sat to watch the final episode, it struck me, like a hammer on my head, that, this would be the last episode of my best friend. And I cried really hard, so hard that my eyes were red. But during the episode, there were few such moments that were very touching, in a happy way that I was smiling, rather laughing and crying at the same time. Something I didn’t think was possible.
It is a very weird situation to be in, to be happy and sad at the same time, but sometimes, things just touch your heart in such a way that all types of emotions come tumbling out, and when we get confused about what to do, we just cry, cry it all it all out.
Life is filled with question that have no answers. Some people say that all ‘Whys’ have an answer. I am not sure if I can really believe that. I mean if I ask you, WHY do we feel sometimes, the way we feel. Will anyone be able to give me a perfect answer? I don’t think so. Everyone will give me different answers and some people will give me no answers at all. There are so many types of questions that I want to ask, but none of them have any answers and sometimes, there is no one to ask the question to at all.
I often wonder who I am and sometimes I know the answer but very often I am confused. I think do I actually know who I am? I have some basic aims in life, but I am pretty sure that does not define me, and if I ever ask anyone to define me, no two people ever give me the same answer. So at the end of the day I am still left thinking who I am. It is just irritating.
I often wonder why we have insecurities, why we are scared of losing things and people. Where does the fear come from? In fact I asked this to my sister just yesterday and she gave me an answer that did make sense but it still left me thinking and in the process I got new questions. It’s always like that. Hardly to I get the answer to my question that I am filled with new ones. They are all questions whose answers I will get or not, I really don’t know. With each passing year of my life, the number of questions increase and the number of them that get answered still remain the same, zero. With each passing year my faith in getting answers to my question reduces. But maybe someday someone will come along and answer all my questions and then finally I will be able to live without thinking so much. Or maybe I’ll just spend the rest of my life like I am living now, left thinking and waiting for my questions to be answered.