It seems just yesterday, when I was sitting in front of the computer, shedding tears, bidding my friend, IPKKND, goodbye. And now, here I am, celebrating, one year since this on screen couple, got married on screen. It seems so hard to imagine that one year has already passed since that wedding, where I screamed and jumped with joy with my friends, glad that this fictitious couple had finally got married. And in the next two months, it’ll be one year since IPKKND got over. The whole year seems to have passed within a blink of the eye. It is not like haven’t done anything all year, I have done lots, yet it seems to be so fast. In fact, now that I think about it, it seems like just a few days ago I entered ninth and here I am now, writing my half yearly exams. This makes me think, in all the rush of life, we forget to do little things that make someone smile. We forget to tell a person we love, just how important they are, we forget to wish a friend Happy Birthday, we forget to give a shoulder to cry to that person who needs consolation. Why? Because we are too busy with ourselves. We always think, it’s her birthday, I’ll wish her later. She was upset today, maybe I should check on her, but I’ll do it later. Maybe I should tell my mom how important she is to me, but she already knows that, so I’ll tell her some other time.
Unfortunately, the ‘later’ and ‘some other time’ never come and as we watch time pass, before long we know that the day’s over and we never wished happy birthday though she was waiting for your call, we never told our mom that she makes the best food in the world even though she made it specially for us with love, and we never called to know why our friend was upset even though she desperately needed you. We are just so full of ourselves and our lives and our needs that we forget that even others exist in the world who do things for us and deserve to be thanked. If water falls in the class, we call an uncle to clean it, but we never bother to tell him thank you. When you need something, your dad is the first person who you turn to but we never tell him thank you. Wake up people! The world has more to it than just us. Thank the people who deserve to be thanked, hug the people who need it. Thank you, sorry, a hug or a smile take a few seconds to do, it won’t take away our time. You probably feel that a small hug, won’t make a difference, but we don’t know just how much of a difference it does make. So go and hug the person nearest to you and tell him just how important he is. Go call a friend who was looking upset today, just to find out if she is fine. Go thank a person who has done you a favour just to let then know how helpful they have been. Give the people what they deserve. Make the later today. Make the later now. Make the later this moment.
I was just reading a Harry Potter book again, ‘The Prisoner of Azkaban’. I came to the part where it says how Sirius Black betrayed Harry’s Mom and Dad (Though he actually didn’t). This part got me thinking, is there anyone we can fully trust? Is there anyone, who we can tell everything to, absolutely everything and feel that the person won’t judge us? In fact, even for me, even though I have so many people whom I tell things to, there is only one person whom I can tell EVERYTHING to without the fear of anything, and that is Akhila. Even though I know I can tell Dada everything, there is this one thing that I haven’t told him yet, and not because he will judge me, but because I can’t imagine how he will react. I am scared, what if he gets angry? Or maybe gets upset? I wouldn’t want to put any kind of strain in anyway to the relation we share. I mean the relation I share with him, it means everything to me and if anything happens to that relation, I’ll break.
It’s not like we hide things from people always because we fear being judged. Sometimes, we fear that we will but a spot in our relation with the person, sometimes we fear hurting the person, and when we love someone, we all know how hard it is to hurt that person, and how hard it is see your once upon a time happy relation, breaking in front of you.
So, i just want to thank God, for sending in my life, a person whom I can tell everything to, no matter what. Thank you Akhila for coming into my life.
This may not be the best blog I have posted but it is definitely one with a very deep meaning, even if not to any one else, but to me, because, I know, the pain of trust being shattered, I know the pain of picking the pieces up and joining it again, and I know that anyone who has gone through the same feelings and now is reading this, will know, even though this is not the best write up they have ever read, they will know the depth of it.
We smell the essence of each and everything around us. We smell the flowers around us, filling the air with a beautiful aroma. We sometimes smell the perfume of a best friend who is walking next to us. But some smells are just abstract. In the sense, they are not really things that you can smell but rather something that you feel. But somehow, in some indescribable way, they too can be smelled. And that one abstract thing, that when I smell transports me to another beautiful world is the most pure four lettered word, LOVE.
Love is a special feeling that can be found everywhere. If you walk down the streets, you’ll find a couple holding hands and walking happily, or maybe a brother helping his little sister to walk, or maybe just two best friends laughing and talking. They are all different types of people, with different thoughts but the one thing that connects them all, is love. The feeling to always stand up for someone you care, that is love. The feeling of always making them smile, that is love. The feeling to protect them all the time and make sure that no harm comes to them, that is love. The feeling to die yourself but make sure that not even the smallest of all troubles get to them, that is love. A feeling that two lovers share when they engrave their names on trees, the feeling that a mother feels, when she holds her new born child in her hand, a feeling that a sister feels when her brother hugs her tight to make her feel safe, all this is nothing but a simple feeling of love.
Love is simple, all you need to do is admit that you do love, if not to the person you love, at least to yourself, but we all make it complex. We either have ego, fear or just too much hatred within us to open up to ourselves and see where the love in our heart is.
So look around you and find that one person in your life for whom you’d be ready to do anything, for whom you’d be ready to lose anything, for whom you’d be ready to sacrifice anything. Find that one special person who has brought sunshine into your dark life, that one person who has made way for rays of hope to enter between clouds of hopelessness, and admit it to the person, whether it be your mom, your dad, your sister or any friend whom you love. Throw all your ego, all your fear and all your hatred and hug that person and tell them you love them, confess to them and smell the purity of the most beautiful feeling that transports to ‘Another World’.
Yesterday night has been a weird one. Yesterday, I started reading the book ‘The Perks Of Being a Wallflower’ by Stephen Chbosky. It is a really nice book and I enjoyed it a lot. However, at night, at around twelve, when my sister was chatting with her friend, I reached the end of the book and I started to cry. It was not awkward because I started to cry, it was just weird because the book has a happy ending and I cried because everything was just so happy. I mean, I wouldn’t say that the language of the book is really amazing and it holds amazing literature value or something but the way it is written is so beautiful that it really touches your heart.
I just sat there, hugging my knees smiling and crying at the same time. Happy at the happy ending and crying… even I don’t know why. My sister sat next to me and tried to console me but even that didn’t work and then after a while I started thinking about the last time I had cried this hard. So hard the my eyes were red. It was at that point that I remembered that the last time I had cried this hard, I was in a similar situation. I had been crying as well as smiling at the same time. It was when my best friend, IPKKND, ended. The whole day of 30th November 2012, I tried to ignore that fact that, that day would be the last episode I’d see, however, at night, when I finally sat to watch the final episode, it struck me, like a hammer on my head, that, this would be the last episode of my best friend. And I cried really hard, so hard that my eyes were red. But during the episode, there were few such moments that were very touching, in a happy way that I was smiling, rather laughing and crying at the same time. Something I didn’t think was possible.
It is a very weird situation to be in, to be happy and sad at the same time, but sometimes, things just touch your heart in such a way that all types of emotions come tumbling out, and when we get confused about what to do, we just cry, cry it all it all out.
Over the last two weeks I have been feeling quite irritated. I mean I just want to hug someone and cry, and keep crying till my tears run dry. All of you must be thinking that if I want to cry then i should just cry it out right? Then why haven’t I done so yet. The problem is I am not getting the person whom I want to hug. I mean, I don’t know whom I want to hug and cry. i just know that I want hug and cry in a such a person’s arms where I’ll feel secure and feel that everything will be okay. But I really don’t know why I have to look for that person because there are so many people around me who love me and understand me and make me feel wanted, loved, secure and everything other nice feeling. There is my sister, my mother, my father, my friend who I talk to over the phone, my friend who mails me everyday. But none of them seem the right person. I have even tried hugging the walls and crying, hugging the curtains and crying and even sitting on the bed and hugged my legs and crying but none of them work. The most irritating part is that, I have no clue why I want to cry. I just want to cry hard. And it it’s not like I want to cry all the time, Just suddenly i feel like, okay, now I want to cry, but why? i don’t know. I am just sitting here, crossing my fingers and hoping that either I get the person whom I want to cry to or this feeling just goes, because this felling is getting me down, down and down.
Life is filled with question that have no answers. Some people say that all ‘Whys’ have an answer. I am not sure if I can really believe that. I mean if I ask you, WHY do we feel sometimes, the way we feel. Will anyone be able to give me a perfect answer? I don’t think so. Everyone will give me different answers and some people will give me no answers at all. There are so many types of questions that I want to ask, but none of them have any answers and sometimes, there is no one to ask the question to at all.
I often wonder who I am and sometimes I know the answer but very often I am confused. I think do I actually know who I am? I have some basic aims in life, but I am pretty sure that does not define me, and if I ever ask anyone to define me, no two people ever give me the same answer. So at the end of the day I am still left thinking who I am. It is just irritating.
I often wonder why we have insecurities, why we are scared of losing things and people. Where does the fear come from? In fact I asked this to my sister just yesterday and she gave me an answer that did make sense but it still left me thinking and in the process I got new questions. It’s always like that. Hardly to I get the answer to my question that I am filled with new ones. They are all questions whose answers I will get or not, I really don’t know. With each passing year of my life, the number of questions increase and the number of them that get answered still remain the same, zero. With each passing year my faith in getting answers to my question reduces. But maybe someday someone will come along and answer all my questions and then finally I will be able to live without thinking so much. Or maybe I’ll just spend the rest of my life like I am living now, left thinking and waiting for my questions to be answered.
Many people in the world have lots of confidence in them and don’t need to be told that they can do something. Others, if have just one person to tell, they can do it, they’ll manage. Finally the third category is for those people who can’t manage with just one person telling them they can do it. They need many and if by any chance too many people tell them they can’t, they suffer a lot. This fact, no one can no better than me.
I have nearly grown up hearing all the time that I can’t. There were few people who seemed to believe that I could do something. There was only my sister who seemed to always believe that I could do things. That I wasn’t as useless as I felt. However, it just never seemed enough. Maybe I was a person who needed a bit too much but well, that was me and I couldn’t help it. I never trusted people too much and have always been distanced as I never found the perfect friend. Someone who really cared. Going to school was always my biggest nightmare. Thanks to God though, at the age of 4 I found a girl who used to study in my school. We started as a ‘Hie’ friends but soon got very close, especially when we realized that we live near each other. Unfortunately for me she changed school at the age of 5. School continued to be a nightmare and all I could do was find excuses to bunk school. We met in the evening though. She was my bestest friend and will always remain so. She has been like an angel sent from heaven. The one who trusted and believed me like no one else had ever done. She always made me feel that that I could. For the first time I felt that I could and this would never have been possible without her. Akhila, that’s her name. She was always there for me when I needed her. She has given me a shoulder to cry all the time and wiped my tears dry. Cursed and helped me forget those who have been mean to me and was cheerful and happy when I was. Now that I think about it, life probably would have been impossible if she hadn’t come. I would have never felt like I could. With each passing year of school life I felt more confident of who I was and what I could do. At the age of 10 due to her father’s job change she had to leave but even from another country she always had the time. She was never too busy to help me feel okay. A whole year passed without her but even through the huge distance I never felt her absence. It was like she was always there for me.
Now one year later she is back but she still hasn’t lost hope from me. Even today she believes that even if no one else can, I can do it. Even now she knows how to make my smile never disappear. Today if I am writing then it is only because of her. I had always thought that writing was not my cup of tea but because my sister wrote I tried my hand at it too. To tell the truth, even I know that it is not my thing to write but even now she has not let me lose hope. She is still there next to me to tell me that even I can write. She hears my plots and pushes me till I finally complete. Today sitting in front of the computer and writing makes me realise had it not been for her, I would have stopped writing long ago but only because she believed that I could do it too was the reason I continued. Today I may not be an amazing writer or the most successful person but one thing I always know is that whatever happens I can do what I want to. All I need to know that I am not alone. She will always and forever be there with me. Right now, for every moment that she has made special, all I can do is thank God for sending the most wonderful birthday gift on my fourth birthday. The person who believes ‘I can’.
http://blog.timesunion.com/amanda/e-friendship-the-end/6030/– Picture from this site
To the whole world it seems like I am with them. They feel that I am right there next to them and with them. But in reality, in my mind, I am miles away. Far away from home, far from everyone, in a place which does not really exist but I hope does exist someday. A place full of peace, where all people are equal and all people are given equal respect, whether man or woman. A place somewhere, miles away.
Today’s Daily Prompt
My life is a story,
Filled with fears,
And at times being bold.
It has taken time to build up,
Bit by bit,
And now someone needs,
To join this puzzle to make it all fit.
Maybe some family or a friend,
Someone close to my heart,
Who has been with me at each of life’s bends.
But does anyone really know my full story?
Of all the times I have lost,
Or smiled because of the joy of glory?
My life is a story,
Filled with fears,
And at times being bold.
Yesterday’s Daily Post
Life is a jungle where all kinds of people reside. There will be endless thorns and bushes to cut through, hundreds of cunning foxes to avoid, many sweet friends to make and finally reach the destination. Fight as hard as you can to make it through, like the Sun, who even when surrounded by clouds tries to push them away and show itself.
Today’s Daily Prompt