Unsteady feet, she is trying to get back up. She holds her hands out for support but there is no one around. Her breathing has paced up, her chest heaving in and out… Trying to gather all the strength she has and pull herself up again. There is a piercing pain shooting through her legs and the wound of betrayal is still fresh in her head. She was dancing, just a minute ago, a partner next to her, with grace and poise, but now she is on the floor. She was pushed and left to bleed. Blankets of darkness and silence surround her. She is hoping someone is going to pull her up, turn on the lights and play the music again. Bandage her wounds and help remove all old scars. She sits still… Hoping, praying, wondering when this will end, when the dance floor will be lit again, and laughter will ring out again. She is waiting… Her view is so blurred by tears, that what she doesn’t realise is that people are holding out their hands towards her. Waiting to pull her up again, waiting to help her dance again, waiting to dance with her again… Even if she notices them, she is scared, scared she’ll be pushed again, wounded again, left alone again. This is not new to her, this has happened before… They say it’s a part of life, but she is tired of it. It has drained her, left her exhausted… But… she misses her body swaying to the beats and her mind singing along with the music. She hates being on the floor, cold and alone… hates being surrounded by darkness and silence. So she’ll slowly pull herself, stronger than before, stronger than she was before she hit the ground… and she’ll move towards the lights and turn them on herself, and move towards the sound box and turn the volume up and it’ll hurt her feet to start over and she’ll be scared to fall again, but she’ll do it over, start it over… She’ll let go of all old wounds but remember the lessons they taught, and she learn to hold hands again and dance with people next to her… Pushing away the fear that they’ll push her down and leave her to bleed again… And this time, with every bit if strength she has, with every bit of hope she has, she sway to beats and her mind will sing along the words and she’ll go to the middle of her dance floor, where her heart belongs, and she’ll do what she loves, she won’t hold back… She’ll let herself go and she’ll dance again…
By nature I am not at all a frank person. My trust has been shattered many times and therefore, from experience, I am scared to trust anyone fully. Till a few years back, my only trust would be Akhila, but nearly two years ago, you came into my life. My first impression of you was that you were very quiet and reserved, and in a way, maybe my judgment about you was not wrong. But what did go wrong in that judgment was that I missed out a few very important details about you and well, I did not know just how important they’d be in my life.
I know that very often, by what people say and think about you, you feel hurt and down and low about yourself, but dada, you have no idea just how special you are. You are one unique person in this world and no one can ever replace you. You might not be the best person in the entire world and you may have many drawbacks but you still are very special, in your own unique way. You have qualities in you that are so nice, but you fail to recognize them because you go by what people tell and think about you. Dada, I know I have told this to you before but i just need to tell you again that you are that amazing big brother whom I always wished for, but never had. Dada thank you for always being there.
Lots of Love
Many people in the world have lots of confidence in them and don’t need to be told that they can do something. Others, if have just one person to tell, they can do it, they’ll manage. Finally the third category is for those people who can’t manage with just one person telling them they can do it. They need many and if by any chance too many people tell them they can’t, they suffer a lot. This fact, no one can no better than me.
I have nearly grown up hearing all the time that I can’t. There were few people who seemed to believe that I could do something. There was only my sister who seemed to always believe that I could do things. That I wasn’t as useless as I felt. However, it just never seemed enough. Maybe I was a person who needed a bit too much but well, that was me and I couldn’t help it. I never trusted people too much and have always been distanced as I never found the perfect friend. Someone who really cared. Going to school was always my biggest nightmare. Thanks to God though, at the age of 4 I found a girl who used to study in my school. We started as a ‘Hie’ friends but soon got very close, especially when we realized that we live near each other. Unfortunately for me she changed school at the age of 5. School continued to be a nightmare and all I could do was find excuses to bunk school. We met in the evening though. She was my bestest friend and will always remain so. She has been like an angel sent from heaven. The one who trusted and believed me like no one else had ever done. She always made me feel that that I could. For the first time I felt that I could and this would never have been possible without her. Akhila, that’s her name. She was always there for me when I needed her. She has given me a shoulder to cry all the time and wiped my tears dry. Cursed and helped me forget those who have been mean to me and was cheerful and happy when I was. Now that I think about it, life probably would have been impossible if she hadn’t come. I would have never felt like I could. With each passing year of school life I felt more confident of who I was and what I could do. At the age of 10 due to her father’s job change she had to leave but even from another country she always had the time. She was never too busy to help me feel okay. A whole year passed without her but even through the huge distance I never felt her absence. It was like she was always there for me.
Now one year later she is back but she still hasn’t lost hope from me. Even today she believes that even if no one else can, I can do it. Even now she knows how to make my smile never disappear. Today if I am writing then it is only because of her. I had always thought that writing was not my cup of tea but because my sister wrote I tried my hand at it too. To tell the truth, even I know that it is not my thing to write but even now she has not let me lose hope. She is still there next to me to tell me that even I can write. She hears my plots and pushes me till I finally complete. Today sitting in front of the computer and writing makes me realise had it not been for her, I would have stopped writing long ago but only because she believed that I could do it too was the reason I continued. Today I may not be an amazing writer or the most successful person but one thing I always know is that whatever happens I can do what I want to. All I need to know that I am not alone. She will always and forever be there with me. Right now, for every moment that she has made special, all I can do is thank God for sending the most wonderful birthday gift on my fourth birthday. The person who believes ‘I can’.
http://blog.timesunion.com/amanda/e-friendship-the-end/6030/– Picture from this site