Can You Ever Trust Anyone?

I was just reading a Harry Potter book again, ‘The Prisoner of Azkaban’. I came to the part where it says how Sirius Black betrayed Harry’s Mom and Dad (Though he actually didn’t). This part got me thinking, is there anyone we can fully trust? Is there anyone, who we can tell everything to, absolutely everything and feel that the person won’t judge us? In fact, even for me, even though I have so many people whom I tell things to, there is only one person whom I can tell EVERYTHING to without the fear of anything, and that is Akhila. Even though I know I can tell Dada everything, there is this one thing that I haven’t told him yet, and not because he will judge me, but because I can’t imagine how he will react. I am scared, what if he gets angry? Or maybe gets upset? I wouldn’t want to put any kind of strain in anyway to the relation we share. I mean the relation I share with him, it means everything to me and if anything happens to that relation, I’ll break.

It’s not like we hide things from people always because we fear being judged. Sometimes, we fear that we will but a spot in our relation with the person, sometimes we fear hurting the person, and when we love someone, we all know how hard it is to hurt that person, and how hard it is see your once upon a time happy relation, breaking in front of you.

So, i just want to thank God, for sending in my life, a person whom I can tell everything to, no matter what. Thank you Akhila for coming into my life.
This may not be the best blog I have posted but it is definitely one with a very deep meaning, even if not to any one else, but to me, because, I know, the pain of trust being shattered, I know the pain of picking the pieces up and joining it again, and I know that anyone who has gone through the same feelings and now is reading this, will know, even though this is not the best write up they have ever read, they will know the depth of it.

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Losing

I watch all of you talking to different people and laughing. I am just sitting alone, watching all of you. I am happy that all of you are smiling, because for me, there is no greater happiness, than to see my friends happy. But somewhere deep inside, I am scared. Why I feel scared is beyond my understanding. I am just insecure that you all will leave me behind, all alone like I have been left before. I am scared, you all will back-stab me just like I have been back-stabbed before. Please don’t get me wrong, I trust all of you a lot, but it is the experience with the friends I have had so far, or should I say with the ‘friends’, I’ve had so far, that scares me, leaves me insecure. I always try to assure myself that you people, you can never do this to me, but somewhere deep down this fragile heart of mine, I am still scared. Because I know that if this time anything happens to my friendship, or if any one of you hurt me, I will be heart-broken, and this time, I will not have the strength to pick those pieces up and join them back together. I will need a second person to come and do so for me, but maybe, even if a second person does arrive, I wonder if I will be able to trust him again? Really, don’t get me wrong okay, I know all of you love and care for me a lot but you all know, that I am a very sensitive person, no matter how strong I show on the outside. You all know that even of I am smiling outside, I might be dying inside but I’ll never show till you people push me to tell. Please, if you all read this, don’t get angry because you feel I don’t trust you. I trust you a lot, but these are just my insecurities, and maybe, time will heal all the wounds in the heart and then the insecurities will also disappear themselves. I just hope.

Is It Time Yet?

I look impatiently at the clock. It is definitely ticking slower than usual. Ten minutes ago it showed 8:25 pm and now ten minutes later the time hasn’t changed. Or maybe ten minutes haven’t really passed but it just seems that way to me. It is really awkward but when you want time to pass, it never does. I guess they are not wrong when they say ‘a watched pot never boils.’ I have been waiting for the last two hours for 8:30 to come but the time has been stuck at 8:25 only. I hold my book tightly and force my eyes to move away from the clock, to my History book. I read two pages, and then somewhat involuntarily my eyes move towards the clock again. It reads 8:29 this time. One minute of not studying, cannot do that much harm, I think. I debate with myself if I should go one minute early or not. By the time the debate is over and the conclusion has been made it is already 8:31. I push my books aside and then run towards my computer chair. I turn on the computer and open YouTube to watch the thing that I have been waiting to watch since ages. I know Visalakshi and Neha have finished watching it two hours ago. I guess that is the advantage of having a T.V at home, you can watch serials on time.
Oh! By the way I forgot to introduce myself. I am Chamkeeli. Visalakshi and Neha are two of my closet friends. They both have a T.V at home, and have finished watching our favorite serial, Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon, fondly called IPKKND. The serial is like a friend to all of us, to keep us happy and cheerful.
Anyway, my serial has loaded and I start watching. A plethora of emotions come flooding out as I watch the serial. I abuse Arnav for hurting Khushi. Console Khushi to make her smile. Laugh at Mami’s craziness and smile at Arnav and Khushi’s romance. Soon the serial is over. I can’t believe the twenty minutes have passed so fast. The episode was as usual, amazing. I close the computer and rush towards my phone, it is time to call Visalakshi and discuss the episode. Visalakshi and I debate over the episode and discuss what can possibly be the future story. Soon my mother is calling for dinner. Throughout dinner my eyes stray to the clock. I’m only at the table physically, mentally I am somewhere far away, wondering how long is left to watch the next episode. It is 9:00 pm, there are twenty three and a half hours left. I sigh and finish my dinner, it is 9:30 now, twenty three hours more. By the time I am ready for sleeping, it is ten and there twenty two and a half hours left now. I settle comfortably on my bed, close my eyes and go off into a peaceful slumber.

Clearly form the above situation, you can understand that I am desperate to watch my serial. Naturally if a serial is like a best friend to you, you would want to watch it right? Everyone in my house, that is my Mom and Dad, know very well that at the dinner table my mood is decided by what happens in my serial and if that particular day’s episode was good or not. When the episode goes well, my mood is hyper, but when it does not, I just sit depressed and don’t talk to anyone, and no one even tries to make me talk because they know I won’t.

When you enter class after a two day weekend, you ask your friend, “How was your weekend?” or “What did you do?” But not for me and my friends, coming to school after means, “What do you think will happen next?”
In fact, every word that the teacher tells, makes us remember something related to IPKKND. Every second word that our teacher tells gets a silly smile on our face.
Teacher: Feelings….
My Friends and I: (Smile)
Teacher: Wire Gauge….
My friends and I: (Smile)

It has been nearly 10 months since IPKKND has ended but the magic of IPKKND is still alive like a blazing fire in our hearts. Even today when I sit to study at 6:30 pm, I look at the watch and wait, when I can go on YouTube and watch old IPKKND scenes and re-live all those old memories. Even today I wait for the clock to tick and I keep asking, “Is it time yet?”

Happy Rakhi :)

Firstly, to all those who don’t know what Rakhi or Raksha Bandhan is, let me tell you that it a festival of Hindus. It is celebrated between brother and sister. It is a sign that a brother will always protect his sister. 🙂

Well, it is so said that only a brother can protect his sister and only an elder can protect the younger. Well, this Rakhi, that is today, to break this crazy notion, I have kept a fast. They say that if in full purity to ask a wish to God, He always fulfills it. They also say that fasting is a way of gaining that purity. So I am fasting and before breaking my fast will pray that God protects my sister, my Dada, my three cousins, Bordi, Riju and Tinnni and always keep them safe. I pray that of ever they have any troubles in life, God give them to me me. I pray that God gives all their troubles, pains and problems to me and I hope they have a happy, prosperous and safe life ahead. 🙂

Happy Raksha Bandhan to all Brothers 🙂

No Inspration

Since I have had no inspiration in the last few days, I have not written anything which is quite upsetting to me, but unless I get an inspiration there is nothing I can do, I guess. :/

Passing With Flying Colours

I love teaching. Maybe I do because it kind of runs in my blood, after all, my mom, dad, aunt and Grandfather, they all teach.
Since I am known for being a good teacher in the class, I am always approached by my classmates for help, which I gladly do.

So, two years ago, one of my classmate, who used to face a lot of trouble in Math, came to me for help. I looked at the question he was stuck in and showed him how to do a sum like that with another example. He thanked me and went. I was not sure he had really understood or not since he was very playful by nature, still I let him go. The next day, as my Math sir was discussing the sums, he came and stopped at the sum in which I had helped my friend the previous day. Looking around the class, he asked which of the students would like to solve the sum on the board, to everyone’s surprise, Abdul (The boy whom I helped), raised his hand. The teacher called him to the front of the class and handed him the chalk. Being his first time, that he was solving a sum on the board with the whole class looking, he was extremely nervous. He turned and started writing on the board, his hands shivering so much that not even his 1 came straight. Slowly and carefully he did out the sum on the board and it came out right! He was praised by teacher and he felt proud.
As I sat in my place, watching him being praised, tears came to my eyes. He was the boy with the most playful nature in class, and hardly had any interest in studies and yet, he had gone to the board and done out the sum. I felt like a proud teacher whose student had passed the test. On the way back to his place, he came to me and asked me, “Did I do it okay?”
I just looked at his uncertain expression for a second and then smiled saying, “You did perfect.”
My answer made his face brighten up with a smile. He then thanked me profusely and went back to his place, happy with his achievement, and I watched, with proud tears in my eyes, as my student went back to his place happily after passing his test with flying colors.

Moved to Tears

Another World

We smell the essence of each and everything around us. We smell the flowers around us, filling the air with a beautiful aroma. We sometimes smell the perfume of a best friend who is walking next to us. But some smells are just abstract. In the sense, they are not really things that you can smell but rather something that you feel. But somehow, in some indescribable way, they too can be smelled. And that one abstract thing, that when I smell transports me to another beautiful world is the most pure four lettered word, LOVE.

Love is a special feeling that can be found everywhere. If you walk down the streets, you’ll find a couple holding hands and walking happily, or maybe a brother helping his little sister to walk, or maybe just two best friends laughing and talking. They are all different types of people, with different thoughts but the one thing that connects them all, is love. The feeling to always stand up for someone you care, that is love. The feeling of always making them smile, that is love. The feeling to protect them all the time and make sure that no harm comes to them, that is love. The feeling to die yourself but make sure that not even the smallest of all troubles get to them, that is love. A feeling that two lovers share when they engrave their names on trees, the feeling that a mother feels, when she holds her new born child in her hand, a feeling that a sister feels when her brother hugs her tight to make her feel safe, all this is nothing but a simple feeling of love.

Love is simple, all you need to do is admit that you do love, if not to the person you love, at least to yourself, but we all make it complex. We either have ego, fear or just too much hatred within us to open up to ourselves and see where the love in our heart is.
So look around you and find that one person in your life for whom you’d be ready to do anything, for whom you’d be ready to lose anything, for whom you’d be ready to sacrifice anything. Find that one special person who has brought sunshine into your dark life, that one person who has made way for rays of hope to enter between clouds of hopelessness, and admit it to the person, whether it be your mom, your dad, your sister or any friend whom you love. Throw all your ego, all your fear and all your hatred and hug that person and tell them you love them, confess to them and smell the purity of the most beautiful feeling that transports to ‘Another World’.

Another World