Recently, my friends and I had a general discussion on fears. We were asking each other what our biggest fears were and it was during this conversation that I actually began to wonder what was my biggest fear.
No normal person usually sits around spending his time wondering what his biggest fear is, but when a topic of discussion like this comes up, it gets us thinking. After thinking on this topic for a long time I came to the conclusion that my biggest fear was my thoughts and feelings being found out.
Ever since my sister has started keeping a diary, she has asked me to keep one as well, to write out my thoughts and feeling when I am happy, sad, frustrated or feeling any other feeling in general. But I have never been able to maintain a diary. The reason is simple, it is because I am nervous that someone might read and find out what I have written. Sometimes in my frustration I might tell something bad about someone which I really don’t mean, if someone finds it out, they’ll feel hurt and I would hate that. However, the person most likely to read my entries in my diary or in my blogs would be my sister. That is why she the only person who I wish never sees my blog entries or my diary entries (which she ends up seeing anyway :P) Among all the people in my life, the person who plays the most vital role is my sister. So my most fights also happen with her only. Now if during one such fight, in anger I write out something that I don’t mean and she reads it later by some chance and feels bad, then I’ll feel guilty. After all my sister means my whole world to me and we all know how hard it is for us to see someone who we love hurt and even harder to see them hurt because of us. That is the simple reason why I feel in some cases it would be better that my sister not see what \i have written in case it has been written in the spur of the moment. But then she is my sister, and I have known her for the last thirteen years and I know, the more I tell her not to do something, the more she will do it. So maybe I’d just better be careful in what I write and think twice before I post an entry. Afterall, I’d hate to be the reason for the sadness in my sister’s eyes.