By nature I am not at all a frank person. My trust has been shattered many times and therefore, from experience, I am scared to trust anyone fully. Till a few years back, my only trust would be Akhila, but nearly two years ago, you came into my life. My first impression of you was that you were very quiet and reserved, and in a way, maybe my judgment about you was not wrong. But what did go wrong in that judgment was that I missed out a few very important details about you and well, I did not know just how important they’d be in my life.
I know that very often, by what people say and think about you, you feel hurt and down and low about yourself, but dada, you have no idea just how special you are. You are one unique person in this world and no one can ever replace you. You might not be the best person in the entire world and you may have many drawbacks but you still are very special, in your own unique way. You have qualities in you that are so nice, but you fail to recognize them because you go by what people tell and think about you. Dada, I know I have told this to you before but i just need to tell you again that you are that amazing big brother whom I always wished for, but never had. Dada thank you for always being there.
Lots of Love
Dear Mom and Dad,
Before I start this letter, I’d like to inform you that I love both of you a lot. I know that you guys also love me a lot. But frankly, I am sorry to say, that sometimes, whether you intend to or you don’t, you end up making it look like you guys are disappointed with how I do somethings. You know, stuff like not liking Math and all? You make it seem like because my thinking is different from all of you, because my beliefs are unique and just because I am kind of like the black sheep in the family, you make me feel like what I am doing and thinking is wrong and that I should change who I am. I also know that you people don’t mean to harm me and your only aim in life is just to make a better future for me. But even you know as well as I do, that I am not bad. I am not doing anything wrong and that I am getting good marks and well, teachers and everybody else loves me. Then why should I change? Why should I become a new Chamkeeli just because you want me to be one? In fact technically, I wouldn’t even be Chamkeeli if I changed because, I am me and if I change, I won’t be the ‘Chamkeeli’ anymore right? So please, it is a request, just a simple one, and maybe it wouldn’t be too much to ask for, don’t try to change me, because I love myself for who I am and will always be happy that way.
P.S: Thanks for always being there for me and making me a girl luckier than most people in this world.
A beautiful Monday morning greeted me as I woke up, I wanted to go out and enjoy the day. But as it was a Monday, I needed to get up and get ready for school. Cursing my luck, I got up and went towards the washroom to get ready. Dreaming about that day as I was having a bath, made me late for my bus. Exasperated at being late, I hurried to finish my breakfast and get to the bus-stand. Finally, after running till my bus-stand, I reached there just in time for my bus to leave. Giving my thanks to God for saving me, I went and took a seat. Hoping that the day would be less exhausting than how it had started, I watched as the scenery, rushed past me, as the bus went on its way to school. I reached school, and walked lazily towards my class, surprised at the how unusually quite the corridors were. Just as I reached my class and kept my bag on the chair, I realized that all the children had already left for the morning assembly. Keeping my bag properly on the chair, I rushed out of class, towards the hall, to join my class.
“Late again?” a voice asked behind me, as I crept into the hall to take my place without being noticed.
Mumbling curses at whoever had caught me being late for the second time that I week, I turned to face the person who had spoken. Niharika Ma’m’s stern face greeted my face as I turned around.
“Oh God!” I thought, “Did she have to catch me again?” Patting my dress to brush away the wrinkles on it, I started at her as I wondered how I was supposed to answer her question. Quite a while passed in the odd silence and now I was starting to get nervous. Realizing that she was waiting for me to answer the question, all I could do was silently nod. Still looking at me with the same frustration in her eyes, she walked away from there. Until her figure completely disappeared I just stood there, expecting the worst. Valuable time kept ticking as I just stood there, wondering if I should go and join my class or continue to stand there. Wishing the assembly would get over a little faster, I just kept standing there like a pillar. Xylophones played in the background, as the assembly carried on. Yes, I thought as the xylophones played the beats of the school anthem, it just showed that the assembly was going to end. Zealously I prayed that my day wouldn’t get nay worse that this.
Story From A-Z
Yesterday night has been a weird one. Yesterday, I started reading the book ‘The Perks Of Being a Wallflower’ by Stephen Chbosky. It is a really nice book and I enjoyed it a lot. However, at night, at around twelve, when my sister was chatting with her friend, I reached the end of the book and I started to cry. It was not awkward because I started to cry, it was just weird because the book has a happy ending and I cried because everything was just so happy. I mean, I wouldn’t say that the language of the book is really amazing and it holds amazing literature value or something but the way it is written is so beautiful that it really touches your heart.
I just sat there, hugging my knees smiling and crying at the same time. Happy at the happy ending and crying… even I don’t know why. My sister sat next to me and tried to console me but even that didn’t work and then after a while I started thinking about the last time I had cried this hard. So hard the my eyes were red. It was at that point that I remembered that the last time I had cried this hard, I was in a similar situation. I had been crying as well as smiling at the same time. It was when my best friend, IPKKND, ended. The whole day of 30th November 2012, I tried to ignore that fact that, that day would be the last episode I’d see, however, at night, when I finally sat to watch the final episode, it struck me, like a hammer on my head, that, this would be the last episode of my best friend. And I cried really hard, so hard that my eyes were red. But during the episode, there were few such moments that were very touching, in a happy way that I was smiling, rather laughing and crying at the same time. Something I didn’t think was possible.
It is a very weird situation to be in, to be happy and sad at the same time, but sometimes, things just touch your heart in such a way that all types of emotions come tumbling out, and when we get confused about what to do, we just cry, cry it all it all out.
For calling a serial my best friend, people call me silly, mad, eccentric even, but I say that if a serial has been able to be there for me like a friend, if it has been able make me laugh when I was upset, if it has been able to give me strength when i was scared, then I think, it deserves to be given the credit of being called a best friend.
Thank you for always being there ‘Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon’ (IPKKND)
Over the last two weeks I have been feeling quite irritated. I mean I just want to hug someone and cry, and keep crying till my tears run dry. All of you must be thinking that if I want to cry then i should just cry it out right? Then why haven’t I done so yet. The problem is I am not getting the person whom I want to hug. I mean, I don’t know whom I want to hug and cry. i just know that I want hug and cry in a such a person’s arms where I’ll feel secure and feel that everything will be okay. But I really don’t know why I have to look for that person because there are so many people around me who love me and understand me and make me feel wanted, loved, secure and everything other nice feeling. There is my sister, my mother, my father, my friend who I talk to over the phone, my friend who mails me everyday. But none of them seem the right person. I have even tried hugging the walls and crying, hugging the curtains and crying and even sitting on the bed and hugged my legs and crying but none of them work. The most irritating part is that, I have no clue why I want to cry. I just want to cry hard. And it it’s not like I want to cry all the time, Just suddenly i feel like, okay, now I want to cry, but why? i don’t know. I am just sitting here, crossing my fingers and hoping that either I get the person whom I want to cry to or this feeling just goes, because this felling is getting me down, down and down.
Life is filled with question that have no answers. Some people say that all ‘Whys’ have an answer. I am not sure if I can really believe that. I mean if I ask you, WHY do we feel sometimes, the way we feel. Will anyone be able to give me a perfect answer? I don’t think so. Everyone will give me different answers and some people will give me no answers at all. There are so many types of questions that I want to ask, but none of them have any answers and sometimes, there is no one to ask the question to at all.
I often wonder who I am and sometimes I know the answer but very often I am confused. I think do I actually know who I am? I have some basic aims in life, but I am pretty sure that does not define me, and if I ever ask anyone to define me, no two people ever give me the same answer. So at the end of the day I am still left thinking who I am. It is just irritating.
I often wonder why we have insecurities, why we are scared of losing things and people. Where does the fear come from? In fact I asked this to my sister just yesterday and she gave me an answer that did make sense but it still left me thinking and in the process I got new questions. It’s always like that. Hardly to I get the answer to my question that I am filled with new ones. They are all questions whose answers I will get or not, I really don’t know. With each passing year of my life, the number of questions increase and the number of them that get answered still remain the same, zero. With each passing year my faith in getting answers to my question reduces. But maybe someday someone will come along and answer all my questions and then finally I will be able to live without thinking so much. Or maybe I’ll just spend the rest of my life like I am living now, left thinking and waiting for my questions to be answered.
Many people in the world have lots of confidence in them and don’t need to be told that they can do something. Others, if have just one person to tell, they can do it, they’ll manage. Finally the third category is for those people who can’t manage with just one person telling them they can do it. They need many and if by any chance too many people tell them they can’t, they suffer a lot. This fact, no one can no better than me.
I have nearly grown up hearing all the time that I can’t. There were few people who seemed to believe that I could do something. There was only my sister who seemed to always believe that I could do things. That I wasn’t as useless as I felt. However, it just never seemed enough. Maybe I was a person who needed a bit too much but well, that was me and I couldn’t help it. I never trusted people too much and have always been distanced as I never found the perfect friend. Someone who really cared. Going to school was always my biggest nightmare. Thanks to God though, at the age of 4 I found a girl who used to study in my school. We started as a ‘Hie’ friends but soon got very close, especially when we realized that we live near each other. Unfortunately for me she changed school at the age of 5. School continued to be a nightmare and all I could do was find excuses to bunk school. We met in the evening though. She was my bestest friend and will always remain so. She has been like an angel sent from heaven. The one who trusted and believed me like no one else had ever done. She always made me feel that that I could. For the first time I felt that I could and this would never have been possible without her. Akhila, that’s her name. She was always there for me when I needed her. She has given me a shoulder to cry all the time and wiped my tears dry. Cursed and helped me forget those who have been mean to me and was cheerful and happy when I was. Now that I think about it, life probably would have been impossible if she hadn’t come. I would have never felt like I could. With each passing year of school life I felt more confident of who I was and what I could do. At the age of 10 due to her father’s job change she had to leave but even from another country she always had the time. She was never too busy to help me feel okay. A whole year passed without her but even through the huge distance I never felt her absence. It was like she was always there for me.
Now one year later she is back but she still hasn’t lost hope from me. Even today she believes that even if no one else can, I can do it. Even now she knows how to make my smile never disappear. Today if I am writing then it is only because of her. I had always thought that writing was not my cup of tea but because my sister wrote I tried my hand at it too. To tell the truth, even I know that it is not my thing to write but even now she has not let me lose hope. She is still there next to me to tell me that even I can write. She hears my plots and pushes me till I finally complete. Today sitting in front of the computer and writing makes me realise had it not been for her, I would have stopped writing long ago but only because she believed that I could do it too was the reason I continued. Today I may not be an amazing writer or the most successful person but one thing I always know is that whatever happens I can do what I want to. All I need to know that I am not alone. She will always and forever be there with me. Right now, for every moment that she has made special, all I can do is thank God for sending the most wonderful birthday gift on my fourth birthday. The person who believes ‘I can’.
http://blog.timesunion.com/amanda/e-friendship-the-end/6030/– Picture from this site
For me, without doubt, the favorite part of any travel is the new cuisine. I am a huge lover of food and the thought of travelling to a new place for me is always followed by the thought of the different and new type of food I will get 🙂
Today’s Daily Prompt
To the whole world it seems like I am with them. They feel that I am right there next to them and with them. But in reality, in my mind, I am miles away. Far away from home, far from everyone, in a place which does not really exist but I hope does exist someday. A place full of peace, where all people are equal and all people are given equal respect, whether man or woman. A place somewhere, miles away.
Today’s Daily Prompt